Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
