I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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