if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
