I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
