Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
