in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
and you fell through a lawn chair
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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