Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
