I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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