Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
