If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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