btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
