bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
