My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
