you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
