i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
