Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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