At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't deserve a penis
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
