I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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