i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
