She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
