the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
