i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He did a backflip because drugs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
