saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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