yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
