Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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