I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
