he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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