Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
