you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
