So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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