MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
