A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
