My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have aggressive nipples.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
