how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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