i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
