my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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