the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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