but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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