She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
