I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Enjoy the penises
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
