I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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