He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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