U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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