it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
