my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
