So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
