I'm lost and stupid without you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
