He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
