I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
