What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
