his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
