The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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