connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
