After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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