i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
