After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
